On Friday the 17th
kids for Mokoia intermediate ran a heart stopping run through rough terrain to support
kids with cancer it was a gruelling run but they ran at a steady pace and got
through it and the winners in the year groups were in year 8 boys was Flynn Baxter
and in the year 8 girls was Maddie whiting.
Nice I like how you have the results and descriptive language it was heart stopping I must add. Who out of the year 7's came what? from Thomas
ReplyDeleteNice writing there! I must admit that you have descriptive words in the story. For example: Heart stopping. Using those words make the story more interesting. I liked a how you added the results. Who won in the year 7 boys and girls? Keenan
ReplyDeleteI also like the use of "heart stopping." farm runs are usually grueling; I used to run them a lot when I was a harrier in my twenties. How could you improve your sentence structure? This is written as one long sentence.
ReplyDelete